Just want to say thanks for the praise on my last post.
Here are two poems I composed in English class... while not paying attention to the english that was supposedly being taught.
Sleep
Sleep
Is but a fantasy
For those who love
And love
Is but a dream
For those who sleep.
The Angel’s Rebellion
The sky collides with earth.
Heaven and nature,
gods and men,
together
as one.
Their golden fury rains down.
Light and dark,
water and flame,
commune
in wrath.
And we, witnesses
to this angelic revolt,
rejoice,
celebrating the uproar
that mimics
and justifies
our fight.
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So, I really loved (emphasis on the last two words) the first one, but it almost left something to be desired... Maybe another line or stanza? But, that's just me. I might come back later and realized it's absolutely perfect the way it is - (you know me ;)
ReplyDeleteBut the second... I loved the idea of it, but it seems a little clunky... I don't know if it's the short lines, but each line seems to come to an almost too abrupt stop, also, it's a little hard to follow the train of thought.
(Oh dear... I'm going all reviewing on you)
I love you dearest!
<3
Thanks for "going all reviewing" on me :P I know i need to do some revision on these, and thanks for the ideas. Love you more,by the way...
ReplyDeletePsh, you're so wrong.
ReplyDeleteAnd, you're welcome! Do you want me to go all review crazy? ...it can be slightly frightening at times. But I can if so you choose...
i really really really like the 1st one. the second one wasnt as good, but i still liked it. : ) nice job!
ReplyDelete